my heart sank :(

i just broke up with the person i love last week..

i miss him a lot.
i love him even more.

and though it kills me to let him go..
i did.
not because i don't love him anymore.
but he already fell out of love..
for the record, i love him so much that my heart died when i said...


" remember what i told you last night? i told you im sorry i was selfish.
for the last time.. i don't want to be selfish anymore. i'm letting you go now"


as much as i don't want to leave him.. i don't want him to suffer as well..
he doesn't love me anymore.
he loves me but not like before.
he said he doesn't want to lie to me.
he said he dies a little inside when he sees me happy when the truth is.. he's faking it.
he said i deserve better than this.
he said "let me go.."

i cried alot.
it did hurt like hell.
i wanted to die.
just the thought of us apart makes me feel doomed.
i love him... so much

frustration.
that's what killed us.
and though both of us wanted what we have so bad.
though we worked hard for it..
we just didn't meet the expectations set by each other.
it hurts me..

it's hard to just swallow every bit of this.
and yes i won't deny that i am tired.
but i'm still more than willing to work things out.
because i want him..
because i need him..
above all, i love him..

i don't want to quit now..
now that we know what we had to know.
now that we know what we should do..
now that we know why we got burnout.

" we tried to solve things by ourselves. we handled it single
handedly when we should've worked on it together"

i could recall we promised to work on it together..
"pag my problema, tandem tayong dalawa"

i agreed and i was soo touched and i felt important.
but this turned out to be one of our frustrations..

i asked him to stay after the break up..
but then he said no let me go.
and that's just a bitter pill i had to take in.
i asked him to stay not just to make me feel better..
but i asked him to stay because i still cherish what we could share..
and if there's one thing that i want to do, it would be making it right with him this time.
this time.. we would be together in all things.
this time.. we would turn our promise to reality.
because how we deal with things may change..
but the way i feel this love for him... i just know won't change.


...i just broke up with the person i love last week..

i miss him a lot.
i love him even more. :(