The Promise I Live For

i have always lived believing the promise of love...

"no matter how long the time, how far the distance or how impossible it may seem...
love will find its way back to the hearts where it's destined to stay..."

maybe that's the reason I'm still here.
I still have faith,
I still hope,
I still hold on,
I still wait,
and I still love...

and maybe the reason I find it so hard to let go of the person I thought I found love with...

I thought that the most painful thing that I could ever experience is
when he left me,
when I tried so hard to give him what he wants at my cost,
when I'm moving on and I miss him...

but then again, I was wrong.

these days I found myself realizing that there's more pain when he came back,
he made me feel all the things i have longed to feel again,
he made me believe that he will never leave me again,
worst, he made me love him again...
even when he still doesn't love me.
even when he treats me like he just missed my company.
even when nothing has changed.

I don't really know what to do now.
my heart tells me that "I can't loose him again.."
NO NOT AGAIN.
but my mind says that "I shoud not let him hurt me again.."
NO NOT AGAIN.

that day I let him go, I did it for him.
upto the last day of the relationship that I learned to love,
I gave him what HE WANTS
I gave him what can MAKE HIM HAPPY
I gave him the freedom that can make things EASIER FOR HIM...

yes.
I gave it up ALL FOR HIM.
it wasn't easy. it never will.
but for him, I did it.
and though it shattered all of me,
i tried so hard to survive.
not to accept or to be ok
BUT TO SURVIVE...

somehow I managed to live for a month without him..
without communication, without seeing him...

...without him, but with the hope that one day 
he'll come to his senses and realize that 
I'm still the girl he wants to spend his forever with.. 

because again, I still believe in the promise of love...
that no matter how long the time, how far the distance or
how impossible it may seem love will find its way back to my heart and his
where it's destined to stay
FOREVER...