DONE.

i hate it when i say that it's done, i am over it and im moving on because i know it's just not true.

because even when im in so much pain, it takes just a little of you to calm my senses.

i hate it when i have to survive the day without getting a message from you.
then a day would turn into weeks
weeks would turn into a month without a single message.
i guess a month would turn into months or to the extreme - a year.
if i won't message you first.
i'm sick of being devoted to you.
if you wont message me, i wont message you either!
i'm not clingy, i'm not needy. you just dont know how much i miss you.
but i dont want to chase you anymore
i'm done with it.

i hate it when i'm trying to keep myself available for you.
when you on the other hand is having the time of your life with others
when you are enjoying the world without me
when you dont really care
i hate it.
and i hate myself for letting you do this to me.
if you're happy and enjoying this kind of situation,
i'm telling you I dont and you could go on without me.
i deserve to be happy!
i'm not possessive. i'm not selfish. i just think you dont want to spend
time with me as much as i want to spend time with you.. even for just a day!
then you would come to me as if you missed me.
and yes one day would've meant a lot but hey
i'm done of being taken for granted.

i hate the fact that i'm still waiting for you!
when i can see nothing from you!
when i cant feel that you still want me!
when i know that you're happy without me!
you would send me these mixed signals
giving me false hopes that one day, someday maybe we could get back.
but even you yourself is uncertain of what you want now!
i think you're old enough to know what you want.
and it's just sad that it isn't me..
i'm tired of this emotional torture you're putting me through
just tell me the real score.
i'm not impatient. it's not that i don't understand.
i just want to settle this once and for all for me to be ok, and for you to be happy already.
and it's just that why are you holding me up like this?
i hate to think of it as if you're playing with me...
i'm tired of making what you want work for me.
i'm done with it.

i hate myself for actually believing that we would ever get back.
i knew it the moment you left that you're not coming back.
but still i'm here after almost 8 months.. still hoping that you would find your way to me.
i hate myself for holding on to whatever you told me.
i should have known that words are just words..
and that it's nothing i could really hold on to.
but guess what? i'm letting loose of those words
i'm not being demanding but those words would stay as they are unless you do something.
you are saying too much yet doing so little.
i'm sick of making myself satisfied with the little things that you do.
i'm burnout in believing that there's still hope.. that something would happen..
and i'm so done with it.

now this is the day i fear.
the day i could actually say that i'm tired and i'm giving you up.

you know i would never want to let you go... again. 
but i'm guessing it's not the WANT that matters now..
i guess I NEED to let you go now.

in the end, let me just say that I honestly never got tired of loving you.
i just got tired of assuming, hearing lies, waiting and hurting.
who wouldn't?

i'm done.